I knew before I knew

It’s been kind of a crazy day…

On Monday evening I had an interview with a church in a neighboring city. There haven’t been many churches I have interviewed with, and this one was close enough for it to be in person. I love everything I’ve come to learn about the church. The structure, mission, design, worship, even the facilities all seemed to be an exact fit.

The interview went really, really well. …and they told me they would make a decision pretty quick, so all week I’ve been waiting …and waiting …and waiting.

I finally broke down last night (Thursday) and sent an email and this morning (Friday) I called. I found out they were meeting and I would know something by around lunchtime.

Lunch came and went without any word.

I’d been anxious all week. I just haven’t felt positive. I knew the interview went really well, but something just didn’t feel right in my soul.

So a little after 1pm I went for a run.

I played a new playlist on my ipod today while running. About 2.5 miles into my run David Ramirez’s song, Try, came on. It begins:

I’ve had many failures; just a few victories

I’ve had many dreams die; just a few survived

I’ve cried many rivers, but I still find laughter ’cause I know

When the tears have dried another door is open wide

So try, try a little harder

Oh, and breathe, breathe a little deeper

And I pray that you become wiser

Oh, cause life, life will just keep on

But you gotta try…

…I stopped running somewhere in the first few lines, and I knew.

God was preparing me. I hadn’t got the job.

I walked the rest of the way home; wanting to cry; wanting to throw up.

I got the call about an hour later. I didn’t get the job.

…but I knew before I knew. 

I also know that the same God that tried to let me down gently is the same one that’s looking out for me and my family. In fact, even as low as I feel right now, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s my biggest fan. He knows the desires of my heart and I am his.

…so I’ll try – try a little harder… (its a GREAT song!)

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